The Bond of Her Wings

H

ave you ever feel that you stand in the wrong place?

Kind of feeling that make you worry sometime, especially when the night turn into dark and really quite, desolate. When every title of the song which use “come home” as two of their lyrics sound really dramatic.

As the time running and nothing change for many years, as the very big hope at first change into nothing at the end. Its feels like you should be at another place, a place that far away from where you standing right now. You seem really want to fly away and take all of your clothes and your stuff and bring it with your big suitcase and you say “See, I am coming home Darling!”. But, although you really and truly could have a pair of wings and fly away, still you can’t fly. There are many chains that bond with your wings in the top of it, and cruelly hold you at the place where you are now.

Then, you pray from the deepest of your heart, asking to The God that you want to go . . . to go to the place where you should be, imagine your smile and their smile mix together in the frame of happiness and in a second it turn into tears upon your face as you really want it to become true. You cry in front of The God and keep asking . . .

And maybe, in every night you spend to wondering how its feel to go home till you sleep tightly, The God give a little present to bring you home “In Your Beautiful Dream”. Although, in every morning you wake up you never realize how beautiful your dream was, but just the calendar speaks loudly and tell you that today is the first day of the month and you take a very deep breath and say “Okay God, it will take longer than I expected”.

And sometime you find yourself in loneliness. Where the things that you fight to cut the chains from your wings never meet the ending. Your sadness turn to anger, you start to blame anything you can blame in front of your eyes. And you start to curse anything, the damnfuckshit words never represent your feeling, you destroyed, you being a “gooddamn destroyed”. Your plans, your dreams, your passion are stopping for a while, and actually for a long time, and maybe for a longer time, and you start to worry . . .

But in the deepest of you heart, you still believe that the day when you could spread your wing and fly away will really come in a right time, all you need is just be patient and keep holding on. It sounds as a bullshit but it is true.

***

“I truly don’t know how, how come someone can really mean to a little life of hers . . .”

God please do something . . . bring a little miracle just to fix it . . . so the beautiful frame of their smile would really happen, aamiin.